offers hundreds of practice questions and video explanations. Go there now.

Sign up or log in to Magoosh GRE Prep.

Student Issue Essay Analysis Part V

This is Part V of my Student Issue Essay Analysis series. I’ll be posting a prompt our Premium students have responded to over at the Magoosh product (under real exam conditions) and giving my analysis of the essay. If you want, have a look at the prompt first and try your hand at the essay, and see how yours stacks up.

Check out my past commentary:

Prompt

Universities should require students to take courses only within those fields they are interested in studying.

Instructions
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

Student’s essay

Liberal arts colleges and professional schools often debate whether they are required to develop well-rounded individuals. The primary purpose of universities is to establish the ground work for future field experts and specialists, meaning the developing into other fields would detract from the development of specialization. A basic understanding of how to delve into other fields is all that’s necessary.

A college degree in a field suggests that a graduate has the basic understanding of a specialized field, and they may continue to develop into a true expert. At every level of the collegiate process, students have further expansion into their speciality. For instance, science majors start with basic fundamentals that are required for latter learning. They soon go off into their own fields, isolated from the humanities and, often, other science majors. Because students usually have only four years to achieve a set requirement of tested standards in a particular field, universities must push students into their fields quickly. There simply isn’t enough time to truly explore all the possible fields of study at the university level. Exploratory learning shouldn’t be required as it doesn’t serve any purpose when the student won’t continue to explore in those extracurricular fields.

If a student were to only hole themselves away into the fields of physics, they may never truly understand how their physical knowledge relates to society and the social world. Universities tend to have to weigh this “roundedness” against the need to produce future field experts. The outcome is introductory classes that relate to your field, but intertwine with other fields of study, and push students to explore on their own time. These initial exploratory classes would be necessary for any field of study anyway, as creativity and individual pursuit is essential for any expert to further their field’s knowledge.

These exploratory classes are necessary for students to apply their growing expertise, but leaving their fields of study should be done on their own because they can only expand into the elementary levels of other fields within their time restraints at the university level. In this way, students aren’t led by the hand through fields they aren’t interested in, but they would still have the capability to explore their fields if they truly were intrigued. Allowing students to create their own directions, intertwining their interests, creates dynamic individuals who are happier with their degrees and more productive to the world through their specialization.

Universities are meant to develop future experts and specialists in particular fields of study. They should lay the groundwork for students to be able to explore of fields, but not in a way that detracts from their field’s work. At a moment when their time is so precious, students can’t afford to be left behind in their fields as they are forced by curriculum to explore unwanted alternatives.

My analysis

Score: 4.5
There are some things about the essay that I like: it brings up interesting ideas relating to the prompt. Do specialists with “roundedness”contribute more to their fields than those specialists who focus only on their fields? The sentence variety makes things flow along nicely, until the middle of the essay, where the author becomes vague. Indeed, at times I’m not sure which side of the prompt the author is arguing.

For example, at the end of the second paragraph he states: “Exploratory learning shouldn’t be required as it doesn’t serve any purpose when the student won’t continue to explore in those extracurricular fields.”

The very next sentence—the first sentence of the third paragraph—says the exact opposite: “If a student were to only hole themselves away into the fields of physics, they may never truly understand how their physical knowledge relates to society and the social world.” Suddenly,the paragraph is arguing against what the previous paragraph stated.

The second to last paragraph is weighed down in abstractions, without a useful specific example to clear things up. Consider the topic sentence: “These exploratory classes are necessary for students to apply their growing expertise, but leaving their fields of study should be done on their own because they can only expand into the elementary levels of other fields within their time restraints at the university level.” There is a lot going on here, and I really had to reread the sentence several times to get what the author was saying. The ETS graders won’t take this much time. And given that the essay has already pulled an about-face in the previous paragraphs, makes this sentence even more obfuscatory.

The conclusion is much clearer than the rest of the essays, and allows me to understand what the essay was trying to say alone.Compare the clarity of this sentence to the one I mentioned in the previous paragraph: “They should lay the ground work for students to be able to explore of fields, but not in a way that detracts from their field’s work.”

So how to grade an essay like this? Strong analytical skills, sophisticated writing, and solid organization….yet, a contradictory—and at times muddled (the clause in the intro, “….meaning the developing into other fields) leads to a confusing essay.

Clarity and meaning are huge. And an essay that leaves the grader scratching his or her head is not a good thing. This doesn’t sabotage the essay completely, but merits a 4.5.

A note about essay grading

While I’d love to grade everyone’s practice essays, that’s just simply not possible. Unfortunately I won’t be able to grade new essays, as students’ essays have already been chosen in advance. Instead, if you’re wondering how to get feedback on getting your practice AWA essays graded, check out this page:

How to Get Your AWA Practice Essays Graded?

If you have any questions about my analysis, let me know in the comments below!

Magoosh students score 12 points better than average on the GRE. Click here to  learn more!

Most Popular Resources

7 Responses to Student Issue Essay Analysis Part V

  1. Vinay March 27, 2016 at 10:15 pm #

    Hi chris,
    I think I’m fairly good at organising essays into paragraphs and achieving overall coherence, but I’m terrible at writing sophisticated language in 30 mins because I tend to look at the clock and get tensed. Something like “Art is one of the most important concepts relating to the human mind”. I go back and rewrite too many times and so, I lose a lot of time. Please help 🙁

    • Magoosh Test Prep Expert
      Magoosh Test Prep Expert March 28, 2016 at 4:05 am #

      Hi Vinay,

      Don’t despair! 🙂

      Writing in sophisticated language is not as important as outlining a clear argument which deals with the nuances of your given prompt. I would not worry so much about high level vocabulary and instead put your effort into developing a concise, organized text which fully answers the prompt at hand. Focus on your brainstorming, structure, and delivery of a nuanced argument to maximize your score!

  2. Ahakutor Lissah Godwin December 20, 2015 at 3:12 pm #

    This is very instightful though, i must say Magoosh knows what they are doing, and they are right on point. I wll like to join to enable me do well as i prepare.

  3. Emanuel May 16, 2015 at 10:13 pm #

    I’m pretty sure this essay misunderstood the prompt, as I did on my first pass, as a discussion of whether colleges should require students to take courses outside their field of interest aka should colleges have a core curriculum. This is as compared to what the prompt actually is, which is a discussion of whether students should even be allowed to take courses outside their field of interest.

    • Chris Lele
      Chris Lele May 19, 2015 at 9:43 am #

      Hi Emmanuel,

      That is a subtle point, and I agree that the prompt answers the question: “should colleges require students to take classes only in their field of study” to mean “should colleges require students to take classes outside their majors”.

      What is generally weighing this essay down (I think a solid 4.0 is more accurate than a 4.5) is how unclear the writer is about what position they are taking. At first it seems that they are arguing that students don’t have time to take classes outside of their major (therefore, they should take classes only in their field) but later flips to the other side: they should therefore take classes that relate to their major. The whole business of the college requiring classes only in the chosen field (or, as the misinterpretation has it, requiring non-major classes) is lost in the mix.

      But thanks for pointing out the misinterpretation, since I didn’t mention it in my analysis 🙂

  4. Michelle December 1, 2013 at 7:45 pm #

    Hi,
    I was wondering if we are allowed to incorporate our own life examples into the essay? For example, if I found elective courses were of no use to me throughout my education could I say that?

    • Chris Lele
      Chris Lele December 2, 2013 at 11:42 am #

      Hi Michelle,

      Good question! On those prompts that relate to education, I’d say it’s okay to mention personal experience as long as you don’t become too anecdotal (remember, you are arguing a point). At the same time, you’d want to elaborate a little, something to the effect of, “from my own experience I found electives to be restrictive in that they took time away from pursuing classes relevant to my major. For instance, since I had to fulfill a foreign language requirement, I had to forgo many precious hours of lab work–experience that would have clearly bolstered my application for grad school.”

      Hope that helps answer your question!


Magoosh blog comment policy: To create the best experience for our readers, we will only approve comments that are relevant to the article, general enough to be helpful to other students, concise, and well-written! 😄 Due to the high volume of comments across all of our blogs, we cannot promise that all comments will receive responses from our instructors.

We highly encourage students to help each other out and respond to other students' comments if you can!

If you are a Premium Magoosh student and would like more personalized service from our instructors, you can use the Help tab on the Magoosh dashboard. Thanks!

Leave a Reply

Share2
Tweet
Share
Pin